Gusto kong mag Game of Thrones break

Yehey may CDR-king na sa Riverbanks!! #firstworldproblems

haay thesis. so what do i do with you :(

Not leaving this seat until I have a semblance of a film. 

And then, go reward yourself by finishing Game of Thrones.

I can never ask questions like that. And I think it's because I'm afraid of the answers. I'm such a coward.

Dear Lord I ask you for courage, I ask you for growth.

maka-graduate lang thesis o super gandang thesis?

Parang kahit anong piliin ko, ireregret ko e.

For thesis: Nothing but the best.

Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities. - Tyrrion Lannister

You made the best of yours, Steve Jobs. I salute you. Rest in peace.

Hindi ako mapakali! Gusto kong umalis, lumayo, wag bumalik ng isang taon.

Ayusin ang buhay ko, ganyan. Hanggang sa handa na ko. Hanggang sa handa na kong maging isang taong karapat-dapat sa buhay kong ito.

I am sick and tired and disgusted with myself, I have this irrepressible urge to claw my innards out. I want to scratch my skin and fall a hundred feet down with a splatter and shout my voice hoarse, until I no longer recognize my face, my body, my being.

and then I can start anew.

I am just so mad. With myself, and that's the worst person to be mad at because I'm with myself 24/7, there's just no escape. Except.. sleep, and sleep is for the weak, I am the weakest person I know, now.

I wish, before people ask me, they just consult fucking google first. Research, people! Ugh. That's what I check anyway

Ito nanaman napaka iritable ko nanaman. Hormones? Period? :|

And I want to eat something, every hour, every minute. Hay hay hay I'm so irritated!

I am so ashamed, I want to leave and live alone.. Prove to myself that I'm a capable huaman being, and an independent one at that. I want to hold a job and be responsible enough to do things timely,  do the laundry, cook and clean the bathroom.. all while earning a salary and finishing my thesis. I think I'll be okay, as long as I have a laptop and internet access. There's google to teach me how to do.. things. Like cook.   Sobrang nahihiya na ako.. Kanina nga nagbrowse na ako ng mga boarding house sa Manila. Hm with my lifestyle I need a 15k-salary ob or higher. I want to go full time but thesis is, as usual, a thorn in the plans. I do not want any parental support anymore, financially, emotionally, whateverally. Even for thesis. But with my brother being diagnosed I doubt they'll let me leave, they probably need me here. If they do, then of course I wouldn't.. Family is family. My complete and utter independence would have to wait.

I just hope it won't be too long. I need this. My time alone, to figure out things for myself. I need self-approbation, I need to be away from the comforts of home that I have known since birth. I want the challenge, I'm ready for that challenge, as soon as I secure a job..

My self-respect is diminishing each day I stay here. I feel useless, I feel like I've overstayed, I feel immature, I feel I need to grow up some. I can't be counted on my word anymore, I'm a disappointment. They may not show it but I know they think it, and that just makes things worse. Plus, they're going to be so much more disappointed - even outraged, perhaps - when they learn..

And they will learn soon. And I never do. Why? What is fucking wrong with me, I used to be a Very Responsible Person. I have let it become a habit. Okay. Okay. Habits can be changed, no use dwelling about regrets..

I have a lot of those. Regrets. A closetful, a universe even. They just keep on expanding. And they are, still, rooted on laziness. And fear. Bad, bad combination. 

I have the perfect life. Everything's been given to me. Anyone else in my position would be totally, completely awesome, yung Anna Oposa level kind of awesome. And yet I'm not, and it's my fault, yes. But I'm not dead yet, I still have that - possibilities. Yes, that's it. I'm going to end now, on a positive thought. God knows how long that lasts.

Bat kasi masyadong pamburgis ang mga ineenjoy kong bagay :|

Okay it's official. Gadgets CAN detect stress. And worse: last-minute panic.

Last night I dreamt about the milky way, and taking pictures of it. Huh. Nagpaparamdam thesis

:D

Nothing flatters me as much as people enjoying my writing!

Love what you do, but the problem is..

I don't know how to love

hershey's for dinner

cookies and cream kisses, yes!

killing my tonsils

Just do it.

Get it done.

Make it work.

Fall in love.

No lying around.

Inception. Wow. WOW WOW WOW. I AM TOTALLY AMAZED. shet. Ang galing galing galing I can't even.. It's the best. Totally gripping. Magkakaroon ako nito ng hangover for days. Haha. Oo na ako na ang loser ngayon ko lang napanood ng buo.

Must be Mom's ensaymaditas. I want some more!

Exciting times ahead :D

a balancing point between when you stop depending on other people, and become the person other people can depend on.

-John Cheese, Cracked

Ok so I just deleted 20k plus of emails. Whew. My virtual life feels so clean now.

But I still can't find what I'm looking for. What the hell

In other news, I passed! Training next Wednesday. :D