Entries for February, 2014

Had a dream where he told me that they just broke up. Tentatively, I hugged him, and said, "I've always wanted to do this." He just smiled in reply.

Haay. Have to move on from this pipe dream.

Posted by chronicwind on February 6, 2014 at 01:10 AM | catch a feather

Finally got rid of that damn bird! Self-1; Unproductivity - 104393417 minus 1

Posted by chronicwind on February 7, 2014 at 07:32 AM | catch a feather

SAW A TURTLE. and a school of jacks! The sat dive was right up there with isla verde <3
giddy! But then it turns out that most of my pictures are blurred. Oh well. And! I don't know where the flash diffuser is @_@ super need it for underwater! lech andami tuloy shots na ang dark nung isang part -_- wth bobo. 

But overall im a happy bunny!

Posted by chronicwind on February 9, 2014 at 10:54 PM | catch a feather

I don't know what to do.
Okay, I know, I just don't want to do it.


Mature up, self.

Posted by chronicwind on February 11, 2014 at 09:13 PM | catch a feather

I. My first. My first date, my first kiss, my first love. It was a good start but we were in different stages in life, plus there was a bit of family drama in his side which lead to the inevitable break up.

II. Well, this one was what my friends would jokingly call my true love, and I woudn't disagree. This was the person I have invested in the most. For a time, he became my "if I only have one friend left, I want it to be you" kind of friend. I liked the way we talked; he made me laugh, and I amused him as well. Each day was not complete if I hadn't interacted with him in some way, be it in person, yahoo messenger (RIP), or text. Lots of kiligmoments during that time, but these moments were only that; nothing progressed because I was waiting for him to initiate the talk. He sent some confusing messages and I confessed, and when I did and it became clear this wasn't going anywhere, I slowly faded out. Turns out he's in another orientation, the joke's on me. Lots of good memories, though; I do not regret this one. 

III.  First talked to him in a forum, and met up in a volunteering event. God this guy. He is the epitome of staggeringly handsome; when I first saw him I was completely disarmed. I did not expect him to look that freaking good! And he was tall, and well-built, and had a surfer's body. He was outgoing and fun and gave me a memorable moment when he unexpecteldy lay down next to me on the beach and looked at the stars. He floored me with his manners and in our brief moment together, I think that's what I liked most about him - how he was kind to everyone. He inspired me to always be grateful and graceful. We didn't really click as people (and I think he's gay as well the hell is wrong with me), since I was just too starstruck with how handsome he is, but he's a good fellow and I wonder how he's doing and I'd love to see him again and catch up. He's a person I admire.
IV.   It has been about a year without me having a serious crush on anyone when I met this guy. He is, on paper, a perfect match for me. Outdoorsy, tall, ruggedly handsome, damn smart and friendly. His street smartness and skills makes me feel safe. Plus, we live near each other so perfect logistics! Alas, I placed him on a pedestal and deemed myself unworthy, so I clammed up whenever I talk to him, and failed every opportunity to be closer to him, or at least show interest. I harbored this extreme crush for almost a year and he would never know, because it's practically irrelevant now. I am more comfortable with him now, probably because I don't feel anything for him anymore, since he's been replaced by a bigger, more realistic (until it wasn't), crush. I still like him as a person but I also realize that we wouldn't work as a couple; he would be too bibo for me I think, and I would probably disappoint him with my underachieverness.

V. This one I really didn't expect; he kinda grew on me until one day the sexual tension got so intense I had to do something, so I initiated and got carried away. It is something I regret now, but at that moment, I enjoyed it. What followed was a couple of months of extreme confusion because seas separate us, and I was extremely clueless where I should place myself in his life. I was excited every time I got a message, but the confusion was excruciating - whether to message him back, what to say, how to keep a conversation going when he's really not giving me anything. It was horrible and I do not want to be in that situation ever again. We are in good, civil terms though, and now it's just a memory that's detached from me.

VI. This one I thought had real potential; he seemed interested and I had a rapport with him that I have not felt since number II. Every time I see him I think there might be something, but there's a person in his life he's really close to. One day I muster up the courage to finally ask him if they're together, and got the confirmation that made me both relieved and heartbroken. Relieved because I found the clarity I want and had been delaying and ignoring for the longest time, and hearbroken because, well, I had already fantasized about being a couple - the things I want to do for him, and with him. General rule, self: If he is not asking you out, he is not interested! Get the fuck over it. This one's a pipe dream. 

So there's that, and that leaves me with no one this valentine's day, which is sucky as hell but I know it's my fault because I haven't been active anyway. The best thing to do is treat it like any other day, acknowledge its existence but, like the years before, just shrug it off and carry on.

Posted by chronicwind on February 11, 2014 at 10:58 PM | 1 caught a feather

Biked around the neighborhood and I did feel a little better, but still empty. 
Hay what to do :(

Posted by chronicwind on February 13, 2014 at 09:12 PM | catch a feather

Just found out that the world is one less of a smart writer. :( Apparently Ned Vizzini committed suicide last December. His only book I've read, "Teen Angst.. Nah!" managed to escape my to-donate box for ten years. I still pick it up from time to time. What a sad, sad news. 

Posted by chronicwind on February 21, 2014 at 05:42 PM | catch a feather

Just unfollowed all my friends in Facebook, and now my newsfeed looks so clean. Why didn't I do this before??? I'm still getting some "blahblah commented on a photo" and "blahblah was tagged in a photo" posts; apparently unfollowing people doesn't prevent the newsfeed from showing that they have been tagged or that they have commented on something? Ugh I'm hoping this is just a lag in Facebook's part. I'm telling you, Facebook, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANY POSTS ABOUT, FROM, AND TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY FACEBOOK CONTACTS. That is quite different from how Facebook is supposed to be used, I know, and I should just delete my fb if the feed bothers me so much BUT the messaging function is so useful, so. I lose. I'm staying. 

Posted by chronicwind on February 22, 2014 at 10:22 PM | catch a feather

Those days when your nobodiness grips you real hard and causes a searing pain. 

Posted by chronicwind on February 24, 2014 at 04:20 PM | catch a feather

1. Packing. Why can't things just pack themselves?

2. Filling up forms. It's tedious. 

3. E-mailing. Just read my mind, please thanks.

4. Cleaning. Because fulfillment from cleaning is directly proportional to the mess.

5. Waking up. I'm one of those who snoozes the alarm in five-minute intervals until I absolutely must get up.

7. Dressing up. After shower, I wrap a towel around myself and sit in front of the computer. For 30 minutes at least. 

8. My online job. I only work when it's crunch time. 

9. Initiating. Horrendous consequences.

10. Revealing feelings. Delaying pain is not a good strategy but I trash the logic repeatedly.

There you go, I'm lazy as fuck

Posted by chronicwind on February 26, 2014 at 01:39 AM | catch a feather

Alam ko na kung bakit sobrang sucky ng pagkakasulat ng The Fault in Our Stars: too many adverbs! The first page alone yields 14. Haha I'm sure marami pang factors pero shet once you notice the adverbs, you can't stop. Pero ayon sucky talaga ang TFiOS, yeah I cried sa ending but I felt manipulated which is totes not satisfying. It is mediocre at best; so hard to understand how anyone could give it a five sa goodreads. wth

Posted by chronicwind on February 26, 2014 at 01:54 AM | catch a feather

Sometimes I wish my parents were a little less perfect so I have someone to blame my incompetence and mediocrity on. But no, they are amazing and supportive as hell and will support whatever decision I choose, so I have no excuse to be a pathetic piece of shit. Everything is my fault and it kills me that I am not even half the person as they are. Limits? They have none of those;  they don't expect to be taken cared of and don't expect me to give back at all. They don't tell me to do this or do that, and now I am faced with a wide array of opportunities and I do not know what to choose. Yes, I am the luckiest person and all I am doing is squandering everything. Hate me now

Posted by chronicwind on February 26, 2014 at 10:50 AM | catch a feather
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