He still wants to date others (a local person) and if it happens, he'll tell me. So for the meantime we're free to landi each other like we're together. Pero ayun, di nga kami exclusive. Kaya ko ba 'to? Nararapat ba 'to? Or just cut him lose once and for all, and deal with the pain now, instead of the (highly possibly) excruciating one a few months for now? Ang bigat sa puso. And a plane ticket is a huge investment ha, better do it now rather than later when nakapagbook na ko ng flights and all. HAAAY. And i think that, if theres a 100 percent assurance na magkakaroon ako ng someone after him, iddrop ko na ba sya now? Coz right now, baka natatakot lang talaga ko maging single forever kaya todo kapit ko sa isang 'to.

To have him, to be with him, to be in a healthy loving relationship with him is a dream; to move to duma and continue life there is also a dream. Neither is the better dream, theyre just different. And they run in two parallel lines that can never coexist, so if i choose one i must drop the other. 

And this state of not choosing is costing me a lot of time. I want to be all in with him but if he's not willing to, if he doesnt feel the same way, kaya ko ba? 

Ano bea, kaya pa ba?

Went to ace water spa and had the most relaxing time!! I did 53 laps and wouldve done more if di pa namin kelangan umalis haha! As in ang saya okay, it was the longest ive swam in years. And i wasnt exhausted at all like i thought i would be!! I realized that when youre in the flow, super relaxed and all, one stroke after another, lap after lap, you go into a meditative trance-like state. Woooh sarap ng feeling grabe. And it helps that ang calm din ng pool and i have a whole lane all to myself. Nasurprise lang din talaga ko na among the aromatherapy pools, the lazy river, and the hydrotherapy 3-sprout massage shower thing, the one i felt most relaxed in was the laps. Ang goal ko nga lang dapat ata is 10, but then i just kept going on and on (and nainspire din ako sa kanya talaga coz 100 laps usually ginagawa nya haha). The human  body talaga never fails to amaze.

Ayun, interesting. Gotta beat his record of 152!!

Posted by chronicwind on May 22, 2018 at 05:17 AM | catch a feather
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