*

His partner gave birth today so now he has a newborn. I don't know what to feel about it actually. Of course I am happy that she's a healthy baby. She's adorable. But there's a twinge in me that feels -- I hate to admit it -- jealous? And I don't know where that's coming from, because it's not a life I want to live right now anyway. I've tried living with him and I know that it's not it, he's not it. So I don't know. Maybe it's just a wave of grief -- or the unfairness of it all? Na bawal siya maging mas masaya than me. Coz bakit siya may bagong milestone sa buhay, agad agad, while I'm here, discontented? I know what I feel is irrational and unfair and of course he deserves happiness. Maybe inggit nga lang talaga ko -- that deep down I also want the happiness that comes with having a child?? Haay if I have all the money in the world talaga.... But even then I'm conflicted because I don't think I can live with the guilt of bringing a child into this cruel world. Maybe inggit lang talaga ako na yung ibang tao, nagagawa nila yun. Anyway so ayon inggitera lang talaga ko