sa wakas, napinpoint ko na yung ingredients ng halo-halong feelings ko kanina:

sadness + selos + the fcking struggle to be happy + relief + HURT + anger + regret + more HURT + curiosity + confusion + surprise + well, a LOT of surprise + pretentious indifference + unworthiness + doubt + skepticism + enlightenment + pride + perkiness + denial + LERLER, oh so much LERLER + annoyance + FEAR, all with the milky fluidity of fear and icy, crushed hormonal imbalances topped with the kaLECHEhan of it all.

wow i hate this combination i think i'm gonna throw up.