I still keep thinking that when I go to cmc later, I would see you, walking by, shades hiding your eyes. You would smile, I would smile, you would greet me, "Hi Anna B." and I would wave back. And then we would go our own ways; me not knowing that underneath those shades are probably the saddest eyes I would see.

I really admire you, and would like to get to know you better, and now I don't have a chance to. I should've treasured that lunch together, I wished I spent more time listening to you; knowing you. I know if onlys do nothing; but i still really really regret that in all the years we were orgmates, I didn't exert much effort in getting to know you.

I am now pretty bitter towards sir for saying that your concept's too 'out there'; if it was approved, then at least you would've had something to be happy about, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't have done it. But now you're the one who's 'out there', out there where we could never interact with you again until our time; out there where you're probably watching us. And when i'm there, I'll force you to explain why. I want to understand why. I want to understand why you let the world lose a great filmmaker, a dreamer, a son, an orgmate, a friend..

You're much more than these, and I know you have your reasons, your ways. If only you listened to Charlie Chaplin's Smile.. but I don't want to dwell on the if onlys anymore. And now I realize, I would never see your smile again, I would never see you wave at me again.

It's sad how many people and moments we take for granted, and how much could change in an instant. I still don't understand, but I'm praying for you. I hope you're OK.

Go make great films in heaven, where I'm sure you've made the lighting better.


Currently feeling: numb. hindi ko parin tanggap talaga :(
Posted by chronicwind on February 5, 2010 at 11:19 AM | catch a feather
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