We accept the friends we think we deserve

Im already fat; i might as well  - me as i eat my third bar of chocolate

Unti unti na akong nawawalan ng pakialam

and it scares me

So i matched with this guy on tinder more than a month ago but ive stopped replying coz ~tinatamad ako~ with the whole dating process but then someone i follow retweeted a screenshot with him in it so im shookt is this the universe telling me a go-ahead, talk to him again??? This screenshot is a funny mistaken identity kind of thing anyway ang point is nandun yung full name niya so naturally I checked his facebook acct AND AND AND he is so my type: not physically BUT he writes well and seems to have a lot of friends and he's involved in causes and v. anti-duterte (this was in his tinder profile too; as in prereq na hindi ka pro-duts hahaha) and he's chinese so in short almost like the last guy i dated (shet may type ako eh no) but unlike him wala sigurong mabigat na baggage??? *still to be determined 

hahahha kakausapin pa kaya ako non also ive decided (thru his fb acct) that this one is a good egg and maybe too good for me, smart and articulate so eto nanaman ako thinking im not enough

Eto talaga problema ko lagi ano im easily intimidated ano na. Just funny bec yesterday i was just showing my friend my tinder acct and this guy who has the most well-written profile ive seen since *him* and she's like "gaga mukhang matino tong guy and mukhang interested, kausapin mo na anukaba!!!" and coincidentally today he shows up in my feed hahaha so oo na kakausapin ko na!!! Pakipot lang talaga ako sa universe sometimes

Nanay: 28 ka na, nung 28 ako may anak na ko

Me: ...so gusto mo na ko magkaanak??

Nanay: OO! Magkaanak ka na! Unless gusto mo maging Sisa? Single but satisfied?

Me *internally*: more like single and unsatisfied but ok

Anyhoo ang takeaway dito ay pwede na ko magkaanak kahit walang asawa coz note, anak ang sinabi niya hindi asawa

It's WORKOUT FOR YOUR LIFE February because I need my legs back

Nanay is going to Europe agian for work and she said na ayaw na niya pumunta dun, since her dream Europe trip already happened.

I stifled my tears.

Happy na natupad yung wish niya, na pinaghirapan niya for 19 years. Meanwhile I have a shit ton of guilt coz sobrang brat ko during the trip, everything just annoyed me that time and no one deserved my irritable behavior.

Im sorry im so sorry Im so guilty that Im not the person i shouldve been - kind and loving and happy about everything   - given that the trip was such a privilege and im the luckiest person in the world i have the best family

But they dont have the best daughter, certainly not the best sister, just a miserable piece of human who's okay sometimes

Im sorry