Losing a child would devastate her

(also wala kang ipon hhahahahah)

It's been a while since I've felt happy I'm starting to doubt if I'm going to feel it again

You got this.

You got this you got this you got this you got this.

YOU. GOT. THIS.

Again, this unbearable unhappines

help

Sometimes I manage to convince myself that I'm okay, that I'm an okay person, but it's getting rarer and rarer

grabe no, how lucky am I

how privileged

to be able to chase my dreams

.

.

.

tapos gabi gabi ako umiiyak ano ba self

iyaking walang pera is a me

I just feel so empty and I can't keep up

gumawa ako ng mashed potato kanina at masaraaaap 

new rule: if you feel like crying, channel it out to a bike ride and go to the sea.

^ this one worked yesterday

it's the middle of the night and im back in manila and i want to cry but there's no sea to bike off to

Anong meron today? Bakit nagsasabay sabay magmessage ang mga past-kalandian??? bakit kung kelan wala ako sa mood??

haha dami mo problema sizt?

But i still feel down in the dumps the self-hatred is staggering i cant breathe 

i am just so angry and i am so tired and all of these emotions are so useless 

but i feel them all anyway and its overpowering it's overwhelming i am d r o w n i n g

How to cope

Dear self,

Sabi nga ni barcejowa: We're a team. 

Ikaw lang ang maasahan mong kakampi sayo forever. and ever. So be the best teammate for yourself. And you're also you're own cheerleader. So cheer for yourself. Lead. Kaya mo ipanalo 'tong life. I mean, you'll end up dead eventually, but while you're alive, define your own wins, and celebrate them.

Shake hands with yourself and reconcile with your past misgivings toward yourself. It's all forgiven. Go play. You're a great teammate, and you'll be unstoppable.