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His partner gave birth today so now he has a newborn. I don't know what to feel about it actually. Of course I am happy that she's a healthy baby. She's adorable. But there's a twinge in me that feels -- I hate to admit it -- jealous? And I don't know where that's coming from, because it's not a life I want to live right now anyway. I've tried living with him and I know that it's not it, he's not it. So I don't know. Maybe it's just a wave of grief -- or the unfairness of it all? Na bawal siya maging mas masaya than me. Coz bakit siya may bagong milestone sa buhay, agad agad, while I'm here, discontented? I know what I feel is irrational and unfair and of course he deserves happiness. Maybe inggit nga lang talaga ko -- that deep down I also want the happiness that comes with having a child?? Haay if I have all the money in the world talaga.... But even then I'm conflicted because I don't think I can live with the guilt of bringing a child into this cruel world. Maybe inggit lang talaga ako na yung ibang tao, nagagawa nila yun. Anyway so ayon inggitera lang talaga ko
Third
My Facebook feed is constantly bombarded with feeds of friends' babies doing cute and stupid stuff and I feel the same. Jealousy maybe? Like I'm incomplete and that I'm abnormal for not having a milestone like that at this time of my life? (Of course it's even more amplified if its with an ex). But at the end of the day we have to remember that it's not a race and that we're just in a different path in life. It's sucks. But we gotta play the cards we're dealt with in life.
Keep hanging in there, friend!